“How lucky I am to be in a committed relationship with my love,” is what we should all swoon over when thinking about our significant other no matter what, right?
So many books and videos on YouTube dictate how to be a good wife for our husbands. This is a highly subjective viewpoint on why I think I’m a good wife. J. thinks I am; and, I think I am, too. As you may know, J. and I are not married legally, but in spirit and soul, we are united. Just because we are not married on paper, we still love and respect each other very much like the way Goldie Hawn and her boyfriend of 40+ years are still madly in love with each other. So, first thing to note, marriage isn’t simply a legal document; it’s a holy, Christian bond between man and woman. As it says in the Bible,
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” The importance of unity within a marriage is demonstrated perfectly in this verse. Let nothing separate them and let them share in the intimacy of being one.
Matthew 19:4-6
As a pastor once said, “Basing one’s marriage with Christ as the foundation will be the strongest.” As unholy and Sodom & Gamorrah-esque this world has become, J. and I try our hardest to maintain holy unity. For it says in The Ten Commandments that premarital sex is a sin. I will admit, we have sinned in that way already. Oops. However, it is not too late for us to redeem ourselves in living the most Biblical way possible when it comes to courtship. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful union between man and wife on the night of marriage, not reliving a porn scene. It’s saddening how convoluted sex has become in the modern age. That’s another subject I will eventually talk about later though.
Love & Respect
This is a huge reason why our union has stayed strong and sustaining. The book, Love and Respect, has taught me how to treat my man and set expectations for what I should expect from him, too. As a woman, it is my duty to submit to my husband wholeheartedly. That is how to show respect to my husband. As stated in the book, submitting to my husband should not be mistaken with servitude and slavery; but rather, giving him full trust that he will provide and care for me with gentle love. And, he shall love and cherish me with all of his heart.
Respecting him can be difficult at times
Love and Respect states it’s a woman’s natural tendency to…smite, as I shall politely say. With our tongues, women can be vile and heinous. We can very darn well make a grown man cry with the hatred we are capable of spewing. I’ve personally never accomplished such a feat, but then again, is it something to be lauded if we are hurting someone we love with our words? That’s something I ask myself before I wish to unload my anger upon J. Although it may temporarily feel lovely to spit fire at him when I’m angry, it hurts everyone. Yes, it’s cliche to say that doing so benefits nobody in the long run. However, there are reasons why that is repeated constantly amongst marriage counselors of all ages.
We are a team
Saying things to hurt his ego just to get the last word in may have us feeling like we “won” that argument. Bickering amongst ourselves has nobody winning at the end of the day. I don’t like “winning” arguments; I like to learn the solution together with J. instead. The end goal for any disagreement with our significant others is to find a way to live harmoniously together by embracing and understanding each other’s differences, and then coming up with a unified solution. So every time J. and I have a tussle, I humble myself to learn his truth, too, because that’s called respect.
Therefore, I do not use my words to hurt him. Emasculating a man with words is a sure-fire way to create a hollow, soulless human being. Thus, respecting him in every situation is the key to being a good wife. No matter how irate we may be at them for not taking out the trash, forgetting important dates or other reasons, we must stay strong, ladies. We must use our words and actions to empower our men instead of bringing them down.
I promise you. Using our words and actions to elevate our men, even when they’ve erred, is the only way to be a good wife. It’s simple to say, but difficult to act out; I understand. However, this one simple rule will change your whole mentality on matrimony. Respecting J. with my whole heart has everything else fall into place wonderfully.
