My Pick-Me Girl Era (PMGE) was super cringe and so is that acronym that I’ll be using throughout this article.
The main character syndrome
It was from elementary school till mid-twenties that I would always try to steer the conversation to me. I was the less mean version of Meghan Markle, per se. Anybody else’s special day, I always had to make it about me. Even if it included making an utter fool of myself in front of everyone.
I reflect on why I acted like a buffoon back then. I remember that I would put myself out in the open like that because I strongly believed that I had the best ideas that would radically improve everyone’s lives. I needed validation that I was the smartest, kindest, prettiest, and most wonderful in the room. I ultimately wanted to feel special and loved because of how brilliant I was.
I lacked the self-confidence and love to feel comfortable in my own presence. I needed others’ cheers and praises to feel complete. My sense of self-grandeur was to compensate for the fact that I didn’t love myself enough to realize I didn’t need the applause from others. I thrived off of everyone’s validation to fuel my nonexistent self-confidence. Maybe that’s why Taylor Swift is the biggest Pick-Me Girl.
Why the sudden change?
As I was scrolling through YouTube late at night, this video popped up. Watching this was cringe because I immediately related with Kendall. It was instantaneous when I thought to myself:
Ew. I’m that Pick-Me girl. That’s me. Desperate.
It was at that moment I tried my hardest to curb my pick-me aura. I didn’t want to be desperate anymore because it’s just not a sexy look. This was the start to my change. However, there’s more to how I completely transformed from a self-loathing Pick-Me to an elegant, mature mom.
The moment I became a mom, I was engulfed with a strong sense of responsibility that I had to live my life for someone else; not myself anymore. Although I wasn’t pregnant with K., my mommy hormones activated. I silently took a vow that my life goal would be to be the best mom I could be for K. My quest to become beloved by others by forcing myself to be the Main Character immediately vanished. I knew that my duty to be a devoted mother to my son trumped all other goals I wanted for myself, especially the trivial ones.
As cliche as it sounds, something magically changed me mentally. I strongly believe that God put K. in my life to help me grow up because someone needed to step up to be his mom. I knew that I didn’t want to be the type of mother whose sole goal is to birth children only for the sake of finding a “mini-me.” Ultimately, that is what Pick-Me moms do: vainly put their vapid needs before their kids.
my inspirations
God blessed me with such great role models to look up to when it comes to growing out of my PMGE and into mature motherhood. In order to morph from desperate Pick-Me Girl to a mature mom, I needed to embody elegance. The kryptonite to those Pick-Me Girls is forcing them to be elegant. All of the moms I look up to embody elegance and grace. They’re bold in their own way without being annoying and obnoxious because they always maintain composure and sophistication.
These mothers continue to inspire me to live for my son, not for attention.
