I am the kingmaker.
We are women, not men, yet we are the kingmaker. We will never truly understand how the male psyche functions. Many times I have asked J., “Why is the girl in his class able to carry on full conversations, while our son has a hard time sitting still?” Of course, J. has to remind me,
Girls and boys develop at a different paces mentally. Boys are meant to develop physically first, while girls develop their mental capabilities before boys. Don’t worry about him; he’ll be fine.
Is it the female nature in me to try and make him into a girl because I’m a woman? I don’t purposely do it, but as said earlier, I am not a man; I do not understand how men function. That should not stop me from raising him though. My fear of accidentally sissifying him should not deter me from being an active parent in his life because every boy needs a mom. The mom’s responsibility is to build his confidence to be a king.
our role as mothers to our sons
Of course, every boy needs a dad in his life, but he also needs a mother who can teach him self-love and healthy coping mechanisms. It may seem near impossible to teach our sons how to self-soothe when they are born to be wild 24/7. Some may be more energetic than others. Personally, my son is fairly tame, but he sure does have his boy’s boy moments. As his teacher says, “K. is a boy’s boy through and through.
We set the precedence for their future marriages
We are not capable of cultivating their manly spirit since it’s not in our DNA to do so. Literally, the hormonal composition of a healthy female compared to a male’s dictates that we are nurturing and soft-hearted. Also, our sons have an innate instinct to know that women are supposed to be soft and delicate creatures who are to be protected while men are the fearless protectors. Many times, my young son attempted to protect me from his dad who would start tickling and poking me for fun.
We are responsible for teaching our young sons how their future wives should treat them by showing them how through our own actions. If we beat them constantly, then they will condone getting beat by their future wives. Yes, men get abused by their wives, not just the other way around. If we are toxic and harsh to them, then we perpetuate a violent cycle that only hurts our son.
If we constantly beat down our sons’ egos and bodies by being cruel and spiteful – which is something we tend to do quite easily – then they will gain an immunity to it and normalize the abuse. It would break my heart knowing that my son will marry a woman who makes him feel less of himself simply for existing. Is that the destiny we want to shape for our sons?
Similar Posts
strength through peace and love
Mothers need to be calm and tranquil in order to unleash their son’s inner strength lying dormant. We have to realize that our sons are young and don’t know how to be strong on their own quite yet. It is through us, as their mothers, that they learn inner solace and serenity so that they can grow into confident men. Confidence is not through pompous showboating. In fact, those men who bark the loudest, are the smallest and most insecure. Truly strong alpha males are quiet and stoic because they know how strong they are without desiring to gain everyone else’s approval for it like a Pick-Me Boy.
Peace through strength, not war.
President Donald J. Trump
When I met my son, he was not able to self-soothe due to the abuse and neglect he endured from his birth mother. After years of helping him handle his emotions through my love and peace, he seems to be all caught up with his peers who were lucky to be born from loving and gentle mothers. The first days I took over being his mother, I constantly asked him if he needed a hug when he was clearly emotionally whelmed or throwing a tantrum because he didn’t need more chaos to combat his chaos; he needs tranquility.
When a young son is emotional at the moment, he cannot communicate that easily because he’s not a girl. Girls are forthright with their wants and needs unlike boys. It is at that moment when he is wailing and bawling his eyes out that he needs to feel safe to emote. All he needs is love at that point because love conquers all. The unconditional love a boy feels from his mother sets off positive chemical reactions between the mother and son, from what I summarize from Doctor Erica Komisar’s research. This strong bond created between mother and son simply from a hug sets him up for success for the rest of his life. And, this is only achieved between a mother and son; not with the father. The father has a different role in a boy’s life that is equally important as the mother’s, but the mother’s role is to bring peace and solitude into her son’s life to keep him grounded and secure.
