Did you know that my son asked me to be his mom when he was 3 years-old?
How it all started
I met J. He and I became fast friends and then soon, we became room mates. And then one day, J. told me, “I need to go and rescue my son. Will you drive 12 hours with me to save him?” For J., most certainly I would be willing to sacrifice my whole weekend to help him drive 12 hours one way and back so that he wouldn’t fall asleep at the wheel. I couldn’t help thinking to myself during the whole car ride, am I going to be his new mom? Will he even like me? What if he doesn’t like me? What’s my role in his life? What if I’m not ready to be a mom? Will I even be a good mom?
We drove 14 hours through intense traffic and arrived at the location to pick up his son, K. His birth mother packed him with a duffel bag of 2 pairs of pants, 3 shirts, 1 pair of shoes that were too small on him, no toothbrush or toiletry for that matter, and no coat – even though it was in the middle of October. She promised she would pack cold medicine, too, since he was sick; but alas, no medicine was in his duffel bag. She clearly lied. We took him back to the hotel room I booked for the 3 of us. I finally introduced myself to him. I was absolutely nervous that he would hate me instantly. J. said to K., “K., she is my very best friend. And, I hope she will become your best friend, too.” K. was shy but he took the dinosaur plushie I bought for him and played with it while J. and I started to get ready for bed. We were absolutely exhausted from all of that driving.
We finally went to bed and then an hour into sleeping, K. woke up crying from being in pain from his cold and cried, “I want my mommy!” J. comforted him and told him that he was there for him and that he would protect him. For some reason, it hurt me so much that he was asking for his abusive and neglectful mother while I was desperately yearning for him to mother him. I couldn’t take it anymore; so, I stormed out of the room and escaped to my car. I called the Chaplain hotline and asked him, “What do I do? How do I know if I’m meant to be his mom or not?” He was absolutely not helpful, sorry to say. I then turned to God, as I should’ve done from the beginning. With tears rolling down my face, I prayed:
What if I’m not ready to be a mom? Will I even be a good mom?
God, tell me what to do. Please give me a sign. Am I meant to be his mom or not? I put my whole life and faith in your hands. I give my full trust to you. This is so difficult and hurtful that that little boy wants to be with his mom who abused him. Please show me what to do for this little boy. Please help ease this pain I’m feeling. Please give me strength to not be hurt when he cries for his undeserving mother.
The Turning Point
After an unsuccessful night of attempting sleep, I decided that we should begin our trek home at 3 A.M. We packed up and left with K. still writhing in pain from being sick. We drove straight to a 24-hour Walgreens down the road. It was really daunting picking out children’s cold and cough medicine since I’ve never had to do it in my life. That was my first test in becoming a mom. With God’s help and J.’s guidance, I passed! I bought him a grape-flavored cough syrup. J. tried force-feeding him the “icky” grape cough syrup. K. was throwing a massive hissy-fit with drinking the syrup since he said it tasted really bad. Then suddenly, K. exclaimed:
I want the girl to feed me the medicine!
Apparently, to him, my name was, “Girl.” I got out from the car and went to him and gave him the syrup with lots of positive encouragement and immediately gave him his grape juice to wash down the cough syrup. That, was my sign from God that I was going to be his new mom.
The next day, I woke up to telework from the living room. J. was still passed out from all of the driving we did that weekend. K., however, was awake and famished.
The Proposal
It was dauntingly scary when K. crept up behind me to ask timidly, “Can you make me breakfast?” At this point, his father was sleeping due to only getting three hours of sleep before that long drive from Missouri. I was alone with K. in the middle of teleworking. Stunned, I stuttered out a, “Do you like peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” K. devoured it, which gave me a confidence boost that I could potentially be a good mom.. To this day, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches has a tender place in my heart since it reminds me of the day my son truly trusted me.
It was due to that trust he had in me that he asked me two and a half days later. He was watching a documentary of a lioness caring for her wily cubs; I was sitting in the kitchen nearby while J. was chopping veggies.
He didn’t even look at me or hesitate. Without a stutter, my son asked me the most beautiful question second to a marriage proposal. It was at that moment, I vowed to protect and love him with all of my heart and soul.
“Will you be my mom?”
